Having only had approximately 3 hours of sleep total for the past three nights, I present you with a list of things you shouldn’t do in my state of mind. 10. Eat 14 Almond Joy bars in a row in the hopes that the combination of caffeine and sugar will make you more alert on [...]
I slept in late this morning. Not because I was out drinking champagne and partying the new year in, but because I spent New Year’s Eve with four dogs, none of whom get the concept that explosives are a good way to celebrate an event. They prefer cookies or a quick run at a squirrel. [...]
I applied for a lower-rate credit card the other day on the phone, thinking that would be easier than online because whenever I apply for something online I end up on the phone with someone eventually anyway. I figured I’d just cut to the chase. A nice man named Tom with a southern drawl led [...]
I typically walk three small dogs these days — my two dachshunds Penny and Justin and a “loaner” dog Pumpkin, possibly a dachshund/Pom mix. We’re very popular in the neighborhood, and by “we,” I mean the dogs. No one runs across the street breathlessly inquiring of me, “Can I come talk to you and tell [...]
As a humor writer, I do a lot of “research.” Sometimes I need to know Lady Gaga’s shoe size and other times I want to be sure I spelled Dominique Strauss-Kahn correctly. Thank you Google! Yesterday, in my never-ending quest for knowledge I found a website called How To Know If A Girl Is Interested [...]
I used to subscribe to a magazine for women of a certain age (no, it wasn’t Seventeen) but I got so tired of the monthly advice on how to prevent looking old by adopting fashion and beauty trends of younger women. This reminds me of that old cliche from childhood, “If all the other kids [...]
I had my first colonoscopy last week and I have the photos to prove it. If I were Anthony Weiner, I’d send one to a stranger or post it as my new profile pic on Facebook. The most distressing part of the procedure was reading the doctor’s notes afterward. Under “General constitution,” next to 5’7″, [...]
toomanydogs I just got back from walking four dogs: Justin and Penny, my two dachshunds; Pumpkin, my daily doggy day care visitor; and Arrow, who is here for a 10-day sleep-away camp (although I can think of no other camps where the counselors allow the campers to sleep on top of them because they miss [...]
You’re old enough to know by now that most of what people put in personal ads is a lie. And although you may have had the code all figured out when you were younger, carbon daters (those 40+) use a whole new set of fabrications. Here is a handy guide to interpreting carbon dating personal [...]
I remember the wedding of Diana and Charles. Many of my then-twenty-something friends gushed with delight over her dress, jewels, her royal carriage… not many gushed over her prince, but most grooms tend to get lost in the ceremony. And what a ceremony it was. I’ve had three and if you add all of mine [...]
accidentalcomic