She Don’t Talk Much, Do She?

While waiting for Big Bang Theory to come on television last night, I channel surfed. It’s my form of meditating — cat food commercial, ommm, Viagra ad, ommm, Shark Week teaser, ommm. If not for the dogs struggling to find the most comfortable spot on my lap, I might have reached nirvana.

My attention was suddenly yanked out of peace and harmony and into “Ah, come on!” when the remote control landed on an interview with a man living with a synthetic life size gyno-doll. I think that’s what he called it. I’m afraid to Google it because I can just the types of spam mail that would fill my mailbox as a result.

Now I’m all for getting your freak on. If there’s anything I’ve learned in my mumbled-something years on this earth it’s that even the most “normal” looking and behaving people have some kind of deep dark weirdness that will make the hairs on the back of your neck stand up and your toenails curl if you knew what it was. In fact, I think it’s often the normal looking and behaving who are the scariest under the surface.

What struck me most was not that this guy lived with an anatomically correct (his words, not mine, as I’m quite sure she didn’t have a uterus or a gallbladder) plastic replica of a woman. It wasn’t that he referred to her as his girlfriend. It wasn’t that he dressed her in clothes from Goodwill and took photos of her. It wasn’t even that he expected his friends who visited him to have conversations with her.

No, the only thing that made my feathers ruffle (and knit themselves into a blanket under which I wanted to hide) was when he told his therapist that he liked his doll because “she doesn’t talk back.”

I guess that is the problem with us women — we tend to have our own opinions and due to our verbal superiority we often want to express them. If you tell us to put on the purple wig and matching teddy and stand in the front window, we’ might  talk back. “You put on the purple wig and teddy” jumps to my mind right away. As does “Did your mother breast feed you too long?” and “There’s the door, you freak of nature.”

But then, I am a mouthy broad. Clearly when it comes to women who will soon be replaced by gyno dolls, I’m at the top of the list.