Having only had approximately 3 hours of sleep total for the past three nights, I present you with a list of things you shouldn’t do in my state of mind.
10. Eat 14 Almond Joy bars in a row in the hopes that the combination of caffeine and sugar will make you more alert on your drive home from work.
9 Down three Red Bulls while performing brain surgery because some mobster insists you’re the only one who can do the job on his son.
8. Operate heavy or light machinery, including a mascara wand.
7. Propose or accept a proposal of marriage.
6. Enter a professional bagel-slicing competition.
5. Attempt to write grammatically correct sentences.
4. Hand-launder the knickers of the leprechaun who has followed you around since your insomnia started.
3. Braid the unicorn’s mane.
2. Have sex with the triplets your husband or boyfriend has turned into. A menage au trois isn’t ever a good idea, and that’s especially true when there’s a 95% chance you will fall asleep during foreplay.
1. Count to ten backwards…