Laugh Your Way to Lower Stress

Bad Boys and Sugar

I love sugar. Cookies, cake, candy, hot fudge sauce, whipped cream… hell, I’d suck a hummingbird feeder dry if it were my only sweet option. But I’ve come to the realization that all that sugary goodness is taking its toll on me. The sad fact is that sugar and I must break up.

Most women know what it’s like to be attracted to a bad boy — despite your brain screaming, “He’ll break your heart and probably roll you down a mountain in his Jeep,” other parts of you smile knowingly and think, “Oh, but the ride will soooo be worth it!” Even when you’re hanging by your seat belt, upside down and teetering over a cliff, that bad boy will still weave his magic spell over you.

Sugar is just like that.

I’ve read all the articles about how sugar causes… well, every disease known to man and probably a few we haven’t yet discovered. I know from personal experience last month that inhaling four gingerbread men, three rum balls, two caramel turtles, and a pecan pie while standing next to a pear tree can make me feel more bloated than a PMSing gray whale.

And yet, I want more.

I tried swearing off sugar completely, thinking that as with any bad boy, the best technique is to break up and never look back. But three days later, I called sugar up late at night. “Maybe I was too hasty,” I said breathlessly. “One more roll in the, uh, pantry couldn’t hurt, right?” I oozed chocolate from my pores on that walk of shame.

Now I’m trying a new approach, cutting way back on my addiction, but not going cold tofurkey (, I’m a vegetarian, so cold turkey means nothing.) I’m choosing foods with the lowest sugar counts I can find and focusing on those that come from honey and other more nutritious sources. It’s like making a list of bad boy characteristics (rides of motorcycle, plays with fire, heckles comedians, steals from constructions sites, is rude to waiters) and choosing those I’m willing to live with (rides motorcycle). I’m also chewing things more slowly so I can taste what little sugar there is in everything. Who knew almonds were sweet?

Whenever the cravings are so severe, I start crawling the walls and feel I’m going to be led into temptation, I eat a banana while watching Die Hard. It gets all of my bad habits out of my system at the same time.

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