Updated Valentine’s Sentiments

o  When I say I love you, I only mean it only slightly ironically.
o  Your texts make my heart vibrate.
o  After we kiss, I don’t wipe my mouth with antibacterial hand wipes.
o  Now that we’re dating, I’ve changed my Facebook relationship status from single to single-ish.
o  You make my heart beat faster. Well, maybe it’s the energy drink.
o  No matter what Autocorect says, I think you’re great.
o  I’d show you how much I love you if not for the recent Botox injections.
o  If we were on a reality show together, I’d never vote you off.
o  Your sex contract doesn’t intimidate me.
o  I retweet everything you tweet. It must be love.
o  You may be a gun-toting conspiracy theorist and I may be a peace-loving hippie… oh, wait, never mind.
o  You make your own sweaters from cat hair and it hasn’t scared me away. There may be something wrong with me.
o  If the world were coming to an end, I’d share my Snuggie with you.
o  You’re like Pinterest. I can’t stop thinking about you.
o  I can’t make you love me, but I can Google Map your house.